Last year my life drastically changed after I was led by God to leave my cozy corporate job.  I grew up chasing after awards and prestige, like most girls do; always wanting to be the little superstar.  The road to success was clearly defined from an early age, whether it was to pass primary school with a golden star on my forehead, matric with distinctions or a couple of degrees to proof that I do have a brain – even though I only studied marketing. The road to success continued to be paved with important job titles, interesting projects and travels abroad. All in all I felt good about myself, about the choices I made and the opportunities I took hold off to continue being a strong and confident woman. I always wanted to be a woman with an opinion worth listening to. My goal in life was to stay interesting, so that I could inspire others. And I was well on my way, until I fell off the grid and found myself at home.

Most women would love the opportunity to be at home, but I wasn’t one of them. It was very hard for me. In the past I scheduled time with my friends around my to-do list, because I loved to work. The structure, the security and the continual positive feedback from colleagues motivated me to keep on going. It gave me the will- power to be a better version of myself.  But when all of those things fell away, I didn’t have anything worth feeling good about. I know that most women are so angelic that they don’t really need anything to feel good about, and I salute you, but God knows I am not one of them.

And this is how my battle with insecurity started – with one simple question: What do I do or have to feel good about myself? Insecurities started catching me off-guard, like an American soldier taken captive in the Vietnamese war. I lost heart doing simple things, because it didn’t mean anything. Every time I would prepare dinner, I would think of all the women who managed two jobs and still had time to cook for their husbands. When I sat in conversations with my girlfriends and they started talking about salary increases and challenges at work, insecurity would take hold of my mind, and tell me how worthless I was.  I would look around my house and think of all the things I could do if I contributed financially to our household, which made me feel even worse; especially during budget meetings when I had nothing to show except absolute hopelessness. Even in church I felt like I didn’t want to say anything or do anything – because why should people listen to me?

Yet, as I sit here today I feel privileged to have gone through such a season. My life, although exciting and eventful, didn’t have love at the centre– and God saved me from a life-time of wanting people’s approval. In the heart of my home, I discovered again to serve without wanting anything in return. I gained a new appreciation for having a simple, uncomplicated existence, where nothing evolved around me, but everything evolved around others. God restored a part of my spiritual foundation in my relationship with Him that was off-balance. Life is not about what you achieve – even Apostle Paul knew that. Life is about how you love, how much thought goes into appreciating others. It is the small choices – the willingness to support, the way a woman celebrates people, the way she becomes a servant to those around her – that should counter all thoughts of insecurity.

I now look at life differently. I found the answer to the question: “What do I do or have to make me feel good about myself?” In short I have love. At the end I no longer measure success by worldly standards, but by God’s standard: Do I love God and love my neighbour?

All women can feel good about themselves, including me – because we can love.

Love counteracts insecurity.

1 Cor 13:13

And so faith, hope, love abide; but the greatest of these is love.