I didn’t write a post last month, because I was scared. J
I started writing and ended up questioning the message of the post. Usually I have a lot of confidence to share my thoughts on what the
Holy Spirit is teaching me, because I can see the fruit of God’s work in my
life. Miracles happen, promises come true (without waiting for too long J) and I experience a heavenly joy and peace. Things
randomly just happen, without any effort. I don’t have to fast, pray, cry or meditate.
But – when nothing happens –when I have nothing to boast in, nothing to give,
no testimonies to share – then I suddenly become insecure about what I believe.
Yet, I can’t help but to write about my journey, because I
believe that God is calling women today to live close to God’s heart, to choose
Him in all circumstances and to spread a lovely fragrance of the Gospel to
many! So, I decided to open my laptop again and write a few concepts down and "Who-la" another post!
Often times I see women running on a hamster wheel, planning, thinking,
worrying and trying to improve their current circumstances. They wake up
fighting for a better life and strive to live out their own man-made assignments. It is as if they are chasing an invisible "better" version of themselves. When they succeed, they feel relieved and a great sense of achievement. Strangers compliment them, church leaders
admire them and families brag about them. But often times these accolades become a huge distraction to the work of the Holy Spirit.
Instead of building their lives on the Word and using faith to access the promises of God, they run after the approval of man. They see God as someone who helps them with their plans.
Instead of building their lives on the Word and using faith to access the promises of God, they run after the approval of man. They see God as someone who helps them with their plans.
I was one of them.
Often times I felt guilty for not using my God given talents and living out my full potential –
especially after an unproductive week. Holidays were torture. I always felt I
had to use my free time to improve my dormant skills, so I would try out new
recipes, start a new exercise regime and read five books instead of one. I was
enriched as a person, yet I could never stay content with what I had. There was
always a "next step" to everything. My relationship with God circled around my
stewardship, and not my “sonship.” When someone tried to share grace with me, I
would think to myself: “No work – that’s not grace, that’s punishment!” I
trusted in my flesh to open doors – my studies, my networking skills
and my personality.
Ironically, the biggest miracles in my life happened in seasons
of nothingness. One of these miracles happened when I was in grade 9 – an
unforgettable moment! I was still
feeling the aftermath of the most difficult two years I've ever encountered up to date. We moved to the city, my father was made redundant, one of my family
members (whom I dearly loved) passed away in an unexpected accident, I was bullied
at school, and I wasn't Spirit-filled. But I remembered sitting on my bed,
hopeless with no-one to run to, crying and not knowing what to do. Everything felt dark and depressing. Suddenly, a thought
came to mind to start reading my Bible. I opened it at a passage that is still
a spiritual signpost in my life today:
Is 43:18 – Do not remember the former
things, nor consider the things of old, behold, I will do a new thing, now it
shall spring forth, shall you not know it. I will even make a road in the
wilderness, and rivers in the desert.
I didn’t know it
then, but a year later I moved to a new school, gave my life to God on a
Christian camp, got baptised in the Holy Spirit and met some of my dearest
friends. My life was completely transformed and I never looked back or
remembered the former things. God made a
way in the desert!
I was in a similar season in the UK, just before I met my husband.
I went for 24 interviews, had no money, stayed in a horrible house and
was far from home. I was at breaking point, with no desire to convince people
to hire me – I was empty and barren. My fleshly efforts failed. After seven months of rejection I was tempted to take the first flight back to South Africa, but I knew God was
faithful (even though I didn’t feel that way at the time). God gave me a promise:
Ps 113: 7 He raises the poor out of the dust, and lifts the needy out of the ash heap. That He may seat him with princes of His people. He grants the barren woman a home, like a joyful mother of children.
Even though I wanted to trust in my flesh to make things happen, I decided to surrender to God’s purposes. It was very difficult, but I
learned from an early age that God is my only hope.
Today I’m writing this post from our home in South Africa,
where I’m joyful....because God lifted me from the ash heap and placed me among Kings :)
When nothing happens – when there are no visions, no
prophesies, no easy way out – only tears – I look back at my life and I know,
God is busy sorting out things on my behalf. I don’t have to worry or fret
because He is my father and I have an inheritance. He promises to never leave
me nor forsake me. He will open doors that no man can shut. He will send the
rain of His promises on dry ground, and many fruit trees will grow. I do not
have to strive to make my own life work, I can surrender to God and know He is
the first and the last – the beginning and the end, and I will once again see
Him coming through for me in a spectacular way!
GOD MAKES A RIVER IN THE DESERT!
Jerm 17:5,6
Thus says the Lord
Cursed is the man who trusts in man, and make flesh His
strength, whose heart departs from the Lord. For he shall be like a shrub in
the desert, and shall not see when good comes. But shall inhabit the parshed
places in the wilderness, in a salt land which is not inhabited.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is
in the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by
the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when
heat comes, but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of
drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.
