I stood bravely in front of the 300 sceptic residence members, my knees shaking and my voice trembling.
While looking at the sea of faces in front of me, I knew that I had a lot of convincing to do. My speech had to be better than all the other well-known and adored candidates that went before me, because up to that point, I did little to compete in the Asterhof popularity contest. I was a nerd for most of my residence life. I didn’t want to be, but it was difficult to fit in, which inevitably made me an outcast. But I had a dream for the residence. I had a dream for the spiritual lives of each woman sitting in front of me – and I felt confident that God wanted me to try-out for the position.
My convictions gave me the passion to speak from the heart. I told them about how God could change the life of each person, the plans I had for the residence, the few successes I've achieved and why I was the best choice for the position. It was a speech of a lifetime, a well thought-out and honest portrayal of my intentions and hopes.
I gave my all. I knew I gave my all, because when I walked back to my seat, I felt completely drained. It felt as if I returned from a boxing match. Yet,it did not keep me from secretly hoping that God would give me the unfair advantage that I desperately needed. I searched the crowd to look for an indication of my success. There were glimpses of hope – some stared at me with wide eyes, others smiled at me, surely they would vote for me! I counted the faces one by one….in faith that it would be the majority.
While looking at the sea of faces in front of me, I knew that I had a lot of convincing to do. My speech had to be better than all the other well-known and adored candidates that went before me, because up to that point, I did little to compete in the Asterhof popularity contest. I was a nerd for most of my residence life. I didn’t want to be, but it was difficult to fit in, which inevitably made me an outcast. But I had a dream for the residence. I had a dream for the spiritual lives of each woman sitting in front of me – and I felt confident that God wanted me to try-out for the position.
My convictions gave me the passion to speak from the heart. I told them about how God could change the life of each person, the plans I had for the residence, the few successes I've achieved and why I was the best choice for the position. It was a speech of a lifetime, a well thought-out and honest portrayal of my intentions and hopes.
I gave my all. I knew I gave my all, because when I walked back to my seat, I felt completely drained. It felt as if I returned from a boxing match. Yet,it did not keep me from secretly hoping that God would give me the unfair advantage that I desperately needed. I searched the crowd to look for an indication of my success. There were glimpses of hope – some stared at me with wide eyes, others smiled at me, surely they would vote for me! I counted the faces one by one….in faith that it would be the majority.
But it wasn’t.
I gave a good speech, but not good enough.
The House Committee members were announced and I found myself still sitting in the chair, with my rival standing at the front, gloating, thanking everyone who voted for her. The tears welled up. I couldn’t move. Questions flooded my mind – this couldn’t be true? My dream of becoming the Spiritual Leader of Asterhof residence came to an end. It was unreal. I tried to make sense out of it….Why then did God want me to make a fool of myself – the nerd trying out for the House Committee…what was I thinking?
The House Committee members were announced and I found myself still sitting in the chair, with my rival standing at the front, gloating, thanking everyone who voted for her. The tears welled up. I couldn’t move. Questions flooded my mind – this couldn’t be true? My dream of becoming the Spiritual Leader of Asterhof residence came to an end. It was unreal. I tried to make sense out of it….Why then did God want me to make a fool of myself – the nerd trying out for the House Committee…what was I thinking?
When I went back to my room, some of my friends tried to comfort me –they came up with many cliche's, but all ended up saying the same thing...
It was not meant to be.
Since then I experienced many “it’s not meant to be” moments in my life.
Sometimes I wish the concept, the words and the sentence didn’t exist, because the truth of this statement often feels like someone threw a glass of cold water in my face. The reality is harsh, painful and disappointing. When you break-up with your high school sweetheart….you find yourself saying ….”it was not meant to be.” When you celebrate your 30th birthday with no wedding ring on your finger…you find yourself saying ….”it was not meant to be.” When you trusted God for a promotion and a huge salary increase and didn’t get it….”it was not meant to be!”
Sometimes I wish the concept, the words and the sentence didn’t exist, because the truth of this statement often feels like someone threw a glass of cold water in my face. The reality is harsh, painful and disappointing. When you break-up with your high school sweetheart….you find yourself saying ….”it was not meant to be.” When you celebrate your 30th birthday with no wedding ring on your finger…you find yourself saying ….”it was not meant to be.” When you trusted God for a promotion and a huge salary increase and didn’t get it….”it was not meant to be!”
It's a sentence filled with disappointment and heartache.
I must be honest with you –since these moments started in my life, it made me nervous to try-out new things. I am 29 years old – it was 8 years since I stood for the House Committee of my residence, yet I still sometimes have to shake off the nagging feeling of failure and shock before I get the courage to pursue things in my heart.
Even though these moments had the potential to make me stubborn, hard-hearted and rebellious, I chose not to believe the lies of the enemy. But it was not easy. These “it’s not meant to be” moments can sometimes create a huge faith crisis in your life. It can make you run away from God and imprison you with hurt and disappointment. But these cross-road moments can also build a godly character, if you choose to surrender to God.
Surrender in its purest form is to let go of what you want and acknowledge God’s all-knowing, all-loving and Almighty power in your life. It is a spiritual discipline that helps you mature in God, but it’s no walk in the park. Abraham wanted a life with his Son Isaac, a life full of good memories and happiness. But unfortunately he had to surrender those dreams when God asked Him to sacrifice – a step of obedience that helped him mature in God. It was not an easy decision. He had to die to his dream, like a seed falls to the ground and dies, just to grow and mature again so that he could produce much grain.
Surrender in its purest form is to let go of what you want and acknowledge God’s all-knowing, all-loving and Almighty power in your life. It is a spiritual discipline that helps you mature in God, but it’s no walk in the park. Abraham wanted a life with his Son Isaac, a life full of good memories and happiness. But unfortunately he had to surrender those dreams when God asked Him to sacrifice – a step of obedience that helped him mature in God. It was not an easy decision. He had to die to his dream, like a seed falls to the ground and dies, just to grow and mature again so that he could produce much grain.
John 12v24: " Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain."
These “it’s not meant to be” moments can cause a lot of questions, controversy and unbelief in our faith walk with God – if we hold on to things too tightly. Many times we do not understand life, because we hold on to our own thoughts, ideas and dreams of how things should be. And these thoughts can sometimes prevent us from seeing the truth of why God wants us to surrender to Him.
Surrender acknowledges the truth that God wants to protect, love, value, help and give to us. Even when we feel neglected or unheard or feel we want to shut down, surrender helps us to give our life to God again and again, and trust in Him to perform miracles.
The act of surrendering often occurs in my relationship with God. I usually have to surrender many dreams and desires, sometimes I have to confesss sin, forgive people, cancel debt that I held against someone, re-align my thoughts according to God’s Word and even profess my love and commitment to God.
The danger of “it’s not meant to be” moments is that it can cause a wrong assumption of God and judgment towards others.
All these emotions keep a person from surrendering to God’s love. Whenever I am faced with these difficult moments of confusion and heartache, I know I have to surrender. Letting go of all my dreams, desires and ideas to give God the opportunity to be God. And I replace “it’s not meant to be” moments with “surrender moments.”
The danger of “it’s not meant to be” moments is that it can cause a wrong assumption of God and judgment towards others.
All these emotions keep a person from surrendering to God’s love. Whenever I am faced with these difficult moments of confusion and heartache, I know I have to surrender. Letting go of all my dreams, desires and ideas to give God the opportunity to be God. And I replace “it’s not meant to be” moments with “surrender moments.”
To surrender brings intimacy with God. It clears your mind from wants, and help you to be content with what you have.
Sitting in my room, 8 years ago, dismayed at the outcome of the elections – I chose to surrender my dream. “God”, I said, “ take my dream as a sacrifice to you. I offer it, I surrender it, I give it willingly.” It was the first “it’s not meant to be” moment that I turned into a “surrender” moment. The moment was painful, but when I released it into God’s hand, the pain disappeared and peace came instead.
The prayer empowered me to have faith for the supernatural, and to trust in God completely.
A few months later, the miracle happened...
4 Months later the telephone rang. One of my friends called to ask whether I wanted to join the Student Representative Committee, this time without giving a speech. I was shocked. She had to repeat the question a few times, because it sounded too good to be true. The Student Representative Committee was the student body overseeing all House Committees.
I couldn't say no to the offer.
God instantaneously gave me a HUGE unfair advantage, and an awesome testimony!
There are still many "it's not meant to be" moments in my life - painful moments but miracle moments. It sometimes start with a small but difficult act of dying to all my dreams and desires, but it gives birth to greater opportunities.
It was a life lesson - a God lesson I will never forget.
And to this day I try my best to turn my "it's not meant to be" moments into "surrender" moments.
And every time I am amazed at the outcome!
A few months later, the miracle happened...
4 Months later the telephone rang. One of my friends called to ask whether I wanted to join the Student Representative Committee, this time without giving a speech. I was shocked. She had to repeat the question a few times, because it sounded too good to be true. The Student Representative Committee was the student body overseeing all House Committees.
I couldn't say no to the offer.
God instantaneously gave me a HUGE unfair advantage, and an awesome testimony!
There are still many "it's not meant to be" moments in my life - painful moments but miracle moments. It sometimes start with a small but difficult act of dying to all my dreams and desires, but it gives birth to greater opportunities.
It was a life lesson - a God lesson I will never forget.
And to this day I try my best to turn my "it's not meant to be" moments into "surrender" moments.
And every time I am amazed at the outcome!
