I love talking. 

I'm like most women. There is nothing more satisfying than coming up with random topics that will stir a reaction. When I'm in charge of a conversation it starts off as shocking and uncomfortable and ends up as funny and relaxing. If you spend time with me you will find yourself on a roller-coaster of emotions.  My husband normally can't keep up with all the topic changes. He sometimes feels out of control when I start talking. I will choose a random topic like  "the sanctity of marriage" and how Hollywood screws it up.....and then I automatically assume that  he would make the connection with Hollywood and understand when I switch over to plastic surgery and how good Cher looks for her age... No wonder our conversation then ends with "But Cher is not married?" :)


I like to mix my words

You will find strings of sentences coming out of my mouth -  doubt, fear, faith, love, realism, optimism....sometimes negativity and my personal favourite, opinions.  I also like to quote scriptures, talk about Oprah and the Metro (our newspaper), church, politics, friends and family. My conversations mostly swing between death and life. When I feel weak in the Spirit I will speak death, and when I feel strong, I speak life.

I don't like silence. I don't particularly like driving in the car with my husband and staring out of the window....without saying a word. And do not....I repeat....do not take me on a friendly coffee date and put me through torture by not contributing to the conversation....I will pull out so many rabbits from a hat it will feel like the circus Soleil!

Imagine my frustration then when I know I need to speak faith over a situation, and I can't manage to utter a word. A light sweat appears on my forehead when I know I have to take authority over a certain problem  and speak God's blessing over it, but I can't even open my mouth.

And then you get situations where I've wished I could just keep quiet. Our car broke down this week and when my husband told me how much it would cost, I immediately made a stupid remark like "Oh my goodness...that much....where will we get the money?"

You may ask, "but what's the big deal." If you can't say something, you don't have to, right? Or if you reacted from your emotions and you said something full of doubt and contradictory to God's Word it won't make such a huge difference. God still loves you, right?

It's a good question. Why should I say something if I don't feel like it? Or what is the big deal if I say something negative? If I only say it to my husband it won't make such a huge difference, he normally understands how I think....so God will  also understand how I think, right?

Wrong.

This is not the way God operates. God uses words to create. He SPOKE: Be light and there was light! There are many examples of how Jesus used words to utter a preferred outcome. He said: If you SAY  (not keep quiet) to the mountain be moved, and you believe in your heart, it will be moved. He SPOKE to the fig tree and cursed it, He didn't just walk pass it and thought: God will understand when I do not actually say the words.  God felt so strongly about this concept that He blessed Caleb and Joshua with the promised land just because they didn't SPEAK fear but faith when they saw the giants. Words are powerful. Your words connect you to your faith....and faith pleases God. Faith is the currency God uses to perform miracles!

The enemy wants to silence us. The devil wants to steal the words of faith from our mouth so that we can't operate in faith, so that we won't make a noice.

But like I said....I hate silence! And it doesn't matter how difficult it is....I will fight to keep my mouth from uttering disbelief....and I will force myself to speak truth and blessing even when I don't see it yet. I want to be like a Caleb who was blessed by seeing the promises of God come to pass, because I spoke...I believed....and I received.

Scripture

James 3: 9 and 10:  With the mouth we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who were made in God's likeness! Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing (death and life). These things, my brethren ought not to be so.


Prov 18:21: Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it (for death or life).

I want to indulge in words of life, I want to SPEAK forth God's blessing in barrenness, I want to make a noise that will last throughout eternity! I want to speak to mountains and see them move, through the grace of the Lord Jesus!  I want to stand on God's Word and speak it when the devil tries to sow fear and confusion, and see the fruit of those words and enjoy it! I want to compliment and bless people with my words and sow seed of encouragement through godly wisdom. I want my words to create the impossible by believing that which I can't see. James says that the tongue steers the body like a ship is steered through storms....and I want to steer my life in the direction of where the Holy Spirit guides me....life and not death!

Unfortunately for the enemy.....

I love talking.....Faith!

I am still amazed.

It has been twelve years and I am still amazed.

Moses must have felt like that after he met God at the burning bush....amazed. The Alpha and Omega called him while he was a sinner and wanted to use him to bless nations. Moses didn't think of himself as a leader, or public speaker, a conqueror or miracle man. Moses thought of himself as "nothing special", average, like all the others...maybe even worse...a murderer not deserving of God's grace. He wanted to hide away and put his light under a bucket. And that is exactly what he did for forty years.

I think Moses had an easy life looking after sheep. In the desert he didn't have to fight for righteousness, or make a difference, there was no-one to judge, nothing to have faith for and no-one to love. The sheep kept him company and it seemed enough until God spoke the truth of who Moses was.

And Moses stayed amazed.

I am not sure whether I should burst out in tears or jump with joy while I'm writing this. When God touches your heart, deep cries out to deep, spirit to spirit...and you get a glimpse of how God feels about you and what He thinks about you, and something changes, faith gets released for miracles because you believe....you see yourself through God's eyes and His words.

I sometimes see wounded Christians walking around like a Moses in the desert. They had dreams, desires and passions, but somewhere life said to them that they don't deserve God's grace. Life told them that God didn't want to give them an unfair advantage, and therefore they work from morning to evening to make life work. Some read of miracles, yet they never think that it will ever happen to them, because they are "nothing special."

Is that not what religion does? The Bible says God heals.....yet sometimes as a Christian I do not believe what God says because why should God heal me? I am "nothing special!" Or other people might live out their calling but I am bound to whatever my boss decides for me, because I don't deserve God's unmerited favour to open doors for me to walk in wisdom where all ways lead to pleasantness, because I am "nothing special".

I was challenged with this concept the other day. My parents and mother-in-law is coming to visit me next week and I found myself in Wilkenson (a home decorating shop) wanting to buy every towel and carpet and painting...and...you get the idea! But a thought in my mind kept my spending under control....the thought that "I can't spend all my money on ALL the things I like." I am not saying everyone should buy everything they see, but I'd realised in that moment that the foundation of my thinking was not joy in God's provision, but fear that I won't be able to afford anything after the shopping trip...because I am "nothing special."

Think about it.

Do you really belief that God wants to give you a life you can enjoy? Do you really believe God wants to meet you and give you a calling of miracles?

I sometimes believe it the first few seconds, and I get really excited, until I become scared that I am dreaming too big, and that I am not considering who I really am....."nothing special!"

Moses felt like that, but God didn't want him to see himself like that. And that is why I am still amazed after twelve years. Everyday God reveals to me that I am a miracle woman, a conqueror queen, a woman of faith connected to Christ. Things might be impossible with men, but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!  I don't want the "nothing special" thoughts in my life any more....I want the burning bush encounter thoughts in my mind! The thoughts of love and acceptance and grace from God....the extraordinary thoughts!

I believe that God wants to give me all things for me to enjoy and live life to the full, I believe in the big dreams God has and I have faith in it even when I feel like "nothing special."

May the revelation of God burn in our hearts and show us who we truly are.