I am still amazed.

It has been twelve years and I am still amazed.

Moses must have felt like that after he met God at the burning bush....amazed. The Alpha and Omega called him while he was a sinner and wanted to use him to bless nations. Moses didn't think of himself as a leader, or public speaker, a conqueror or miracle man. Moses thought of himself as "nothing special", average, like all the others...maybe even worse...a murderer not deserving of God's grace. He wanted to hide away and put his light under a bucket. And that is exactly what he did for forty years.

I think Moses had an easy life looking after sheep. In the desert he didn't have to fight for righteousness, or make a difference, there was no-one to judge, nothing to have faith for and no-one to love. The sheep kept him company and it seemed enough until God spoke the truth of who Moses was.

And Moses stayed amazed.

I am not sure whether I should burst out in tears or jump with joy while I'm writing this. When God touches your heart, deep cries out to deep, spirit to spirit...and you get a glimpse of how God feels about you and what He thinks about you, and something changes, faith gets released for miracles because you believe....you see yourself through God's eyes and His words.

I sometimes see wounded Christians walking around like a Moses in the desert. They had dreams, desires and passions, but somewhere life said to them that they don't deserve God's grace. Life told them that God didn't want to give them an unfair advantage, and therefore they work from morning to evening to make life work. Some read of miracles, yet they never think that it will ever happen to them, because they are "nothing special."

Is that not what religion does? The Bible says God heals.....yet sometimes as a Christian I do not believe what God says because why should God heal me? I am "nothing special!" Or other people might live out their calling but I am bound to whatever my boss decides for me, because I don't deserve God's unmerited favour to open doors for me to walk in wisdom where all ways lead to pleasantness, because I am "nothing special".

I was challenged with this concept the other day. My parents and mother-in-law is coming to visit me next week and I found myself in Wilkenson (a home decorating shop) wanting to buy every towel and carpet and painting...and...you get the idea! But a thought in my mind kept my spending under control....the thought that "I can't spend all my money on ALL the things I like." I am not saying everyone should buy everything they see, but I'd realised in that moment that the foundation of my thinking was not joy in God's provision, but fear that I won't be able to afford anything after the shopping trip...because I am "nothing special."

Think about it.

Do you really belief that God wants to give you a life you can enjoy? Do you really believe God wants to meet you and give you a calling of miracles?

I sometimes believe it the first few seconds, and I get really excited, until I become scared that I am dreaming too big, and that I am not considering who I really am....."nothing special!"

Moses felt like that, but God didn't want him to see himself like that. And that is why I am still amazed after twelve years. Everyday God reveals to me that I am a miracle woman, a conqueror queen, a woman of faith connected to Christ. Things might be impossible with men, but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!  I don't want the "nothing special" thoughts in my life any more....I want the burning bush encounter thoughts in my mind! The thoughts of love and acceptance and grace from God....the extraordinary thoughts!

I believe that God wants to give me all things for me to enjoy and live life to the full, I believe in the big dreams God has and I have faith in it even when I feel like "nothing special."

May the revelation of God burn in our hearts and show us who we truly are.