I normally see red lights flashing when a person mentions the other woman.  It makes me uncomfortable. Something about the statement insinuates brokenness, sadness or loss - a dangerous conversation I do not like to get involved in.




It is a sensitive topic, yet I hear women talk about the other woman all the time. They mention her often. Even though it's done "hush hush," without mentioning a name, you often sense her presence in the room.

The other woman is disguised in the words and thoughts of who we would like to be.  We dream about the thinner, smarter, more desirable woman that we still want to become, a woman we have created in our minds after looking through magazines, the newest TV shows or the lives and accomplishments of our friends. Time and again  I hear women utter these phrases without even thinking: " O....so and so just bought a new house, they are so rich - I wish I could buy a new house ".....or  "she completed her studies and I don't even have a degree, she is so clever, I wish I could be like that."  Some sulk at weddings envying the bride and drowning their singleness sorrows in champagne and others feel  horribly ugly compared to the swan princess they've randomly met at a work function. One or two even breath a sigh of relief when they hear about a fellow sister struggling in her faith - thanking God that they are not like the other woman.


Have you ever walked into a church meeting and thought to yourself: " Wow, Susan looks beautiful....maybe I should buy the same make-up?"
Or why did John choose her as his wife, she looks so ordinary?
Or did you hear a woman preach and thought - why can't I preach like her?

I will be the first to acknowledge guilt. Often times I struggle to except the reality of who I am. Even though it starts a cycle of criticism in my life, I often struggle to get rid of  discontentment thoughts flashing red in my mind, leaving me powerless against the force of negativity that tries to steal my peace  in Christ.

The other woman has been a topic of controversy from the beginning of time. Eve could not compete, and decided to give in to the devaluing thoughts that the snake so eagerly dished up for her on a fruit platter. She just couldn't believe that she was good enough. Since the garden of Eden Satan has used his deception and lies to make women feel less than they ought to be, and the way he does it is very effective.

The other woman has become the measuring stick by which we judge everything we do and everything we are - and if we don't live up to these impossible standards of perfection, we feel bad. When we feel bad, we start a new diet, enrol for a new course or go for a make-over - anything to help us feel less awkward next to the other woman.

We can never just feel GOOD about ourselves, because there's always something wrong or out of place. No matter how much we achieve, there is always room for improvement.

Dear woman of God, when did we start believing we "are not good enough?" Men celebrate us, yet I still meet married women who can't receive love because they have stretch marks and would rather like to keep the light switched off. There are photos of women everywhere, billboards and advertisements - even the world is captivated by us - yet we still lack confidence.

When did we start discerning women according to the flesh and not the spirit? When did our friends become the other woman?

As women of faith we should not allow our thoughts to be infiltrated with the filth of comparison and idealism. We are not called to think of ourselves as victims, when we should act in the authority that Christ has given us. We are saved to reign and not be distracted by the devil's devices to cause disunity in the church. Our focus should be to pray, bless, embrace and love ourselves and our friends. We are empowered to not let the other woman steal our intimacy with Jesus. Discontentment does not come from the Father, but from the enemy who is trying to rob us of our identity in Christ.

Through Jesus we are no longer under the curse of Eve, where we can't help but to eat the fruit of deception. We don't have to continuously feel as we have to become wiser or more beautiful, and we don't have to allow the snake to entice us with the same lie he caught Eve with: Did God really say.....you are good enough? This lie is the first of many, and not welcome in a household of faith.  God redeemed us from wanting and longing. He satisfies our mouth with good things, and He covers us with His love and acceptance. Nothing can separate us from His love - not even the other woman.

Lets trample on the snake - crush his head, and live in the victory, love and acceptance of Jesus Christ, with no "other woman" dictating our thought life and no other agenda except to love ourselves and others.

Psl 139:13-18 (Amp)

For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb.