I have a confession to make J
When I was single and “oh so searching” I always imagined my “date for the month” to have an invisible wish-list of his “future-wife-to-be” Needless to say, it forced me to approach each date with caution, and I couldn’t help but rate myself against this “very important” list (which I didn’t actually read!).
Looks - 6/10;
Flow of conversation -8/10,
Spiritual connection -2/10.....
and so the list went on and on.
Afterwards I would find myself hopeless and depressed, dreaming to one day be all that the list requires me to be. It was a very frustrating exercise, especially because I didn’t really know what was written on it. I would make up romantic stories of how (by some huge miracle) I would be transformed from a maid in the dungeon to a beautiful Cinderella at the ball. I would listen with envy while my starry eyed girlfriends elaborated on their awesome fairytales of how they met their Mr. Rights. And when I went home alone, I would analyse and compare myself against these fortunate princesses – trying to figure out the secret behind unconditional love.
I would question myself. Am I beautiful enough? Am I pure enough? Am I intelligent enough? Am I fun enough? Am I enough ...period?
Looks - 6/10;
Flow of conversation -8/10,
Spiritual connection -2/10.....
and so the list went on and on.
I would question myself. Am I beautiful enough? Am I pure enough? Am I intelligent enough? Am I fun enough? Am I enough ...period?
So, when I eventually met my prince (or King...:), I was completely unprepared to be loved U N C O N D I S I O N A L L Y. Sometimes I am still surprised at marriage. My husband does not see my imperfections (and it is not because I am perfect!), rather he chooses to be blind to it. There are no lists in his mind – no rules, no expectations to meet. Believe me....marriage puts it to the test, and it is the truth. I can go days without looking pretty.... My husband accepts me when I am grumpy, in a bad mood, when I leave the kitchen dirty, when I don’t feel like doing something fun.....the list goes on and on!
Oh....how he loves me!
Oh....how he loves me!
Some might lift an eyebrow and ask with a shocked expression: Do you leave the kitchen dirty? Others would recommend I go for a make-over and remind me that “men look with their eyes!”And I should definitely apologise for my “drastic mood-swings!” This is not the way it should be.....
But.....I don’t really care because.....
Oh how my husband loves me!
There are many Christian women walking around thinking that God has an unwritten wish-list of “how a Christian should be.” A Christian woman must be a good wife, she should have a calling (something to aspire to), she should be rich or poor, depending on her current convictions, she should be beautiful, be attentive to the needs of others, be adventurous, be a good hostess, should never complain but always be in a good mood, always encourage her husband and help him fulfil his potential and should be a “high flyer!” She must be called to the nations, and miracles should be part of her daily life. The list goes on and on.....
Some know that God does not have an unwritten list, but they have an unwritten list for themselves and for others. When you’re in their presence you always feel as if something is lacking....as if there is nothing that can’t just be.....You quickly find yourself becoming discontent with life and with yourself when you encounter someone with “the list.” Your spirit starts grabbing at futile stuff, trying to justify your seemingly “ordinary” life. You start dreaming bigger, talking more.....wanting more!
Where did these lists come from?
Where did these lists come from?
Our culture, background, country and the world's "definition of success" normally give us those "invisible" lists. The expectations of people, of society and of church imprints a picture of how we are suppose to be....and if we are not.....we can’t get unconditional love from God. It is quite ironic.
We are quickly taught by people that we have to be part of something big, we have to proof our love for God in order for Him to choose us! We should be ALL that the list requires......
No wonder God says in Romans 12:2 that we should not “conform to the culture of the day.”
Some might see the benefits of having this invisible list....
Some might see the benefits of having this invisible list....
I've noticed that in most situations the list gives someone a strange sense of security. This "invisible" list gives any woman something to boast in. If a woman manages to achieve most of the things society requires (the list that no-one has read!), she will feel valuable and completely good enough. She will even be quick to let others know about it. It is quite strange. The list measures her life according to the amount of 10/10’s she gets (and she normally rates herself) or whether other people approve. This list weirdly enough gives her "unwritten" positive feedback that creates a picture of who she thinks she is.
Scripture calls it pride.
Which makes it quite difficult then to understand that according to the Word, God loves the church the way a godly husband loves his wife....without any lists.
There are no expectations, no standards and no rules.
Can this be true?
Society or our culture or even church may ask:
There are no expectations, no standards and no rules.
Can this be true?
Society or our culture or even church may ask:
Are you sure that God does not see a woman's imperfections, because the list says a woman should be perfect?
Can it be that He does not mind if she looks sloppy in the Spirit or even in the flesh, because a woman should be walking by the Spirit and look beautiful?
Are you sure that God accepts her even if she can’t get to all the religious duties on the list? Does that not show her lack of passion for God?
Does God really love her U N C O N D I T I O N A L L Y?
The answer is a huge and emphatic YES!
Oh....how He loves us!
And it is true.....there is no "invisible" list!
He is excited about us!
The answer is a huge and emphatic YES!
Oh....how He loves us!
And it is true.....there is no "invisible" list!
He is excited about us!
The more He loves us, the more we become ourselves....content, at peace......not lacking...not having to be perfect - yet strangely enough we become perfect in our faith that God loves us unconditionally! The more we live in the freedom of "no lists," the more we become who we were predestined to be.
The more we accept His love, the more we become the women we are called to be – blossoming, beautiful......blessed!
We can have faith in God’s love, His supernatural, covenantal, exceedingly wonderful love the way a bride has faith in her husband's love!
May our faith be rooted not in the lists we try to achieve, but in the knowledge of His love!
Oh....because He loves us!
Take some time to listen to the song below, and let the love of God overwhelm you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWgeUrD4MHI
Ef 3:16-19
May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality].
May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, Take some time to listen to the song below, and let the love of God overwhelm you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWgeUrD4MHI
Ef 3:16-19
May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality].
That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God's devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it].
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Beautiful post sweet girl! I can give a wholehearted yes and yes and yes to everything you said. I hate the lists I make for myself. Marriage has definitely given me a new perspective and revelation on God's grace and love- it is truly unfathomable!! I need God to do so much work on me in this area of perfectionism and comparison...he's doing it though and I'm so glad!
Love you to bits!
Charissa